Does the label really make a difference?

In my journey to the discovery of "real food" I have stumbled on a fantastic form of food called "Organic". Have you seen these items? I am sure you have they are usually twice as much and it doesn't LOOK any different...yeah those items. I have spent YEARS avoiding them. I couldn't see the benefit of spending twice as much for food that looked the same. I love a bargain and don't want to spend a dime more for something if I can get it cheaper. (unless the brand is just nasty...then I will spend the extra dime)

Most of you know I shop at Aldi's. I know! My husband is a store manager at Walmart and I shop at Aldi's. -Like I said I can't spend more on groceries if someone else sells it cheaper.- When you get mac n cheese for .39 a box and it is GOOD, why spend $1.99 on the same thing??

 Anyway...

My first item I purchased that was "organic" and WAY more expensive, was the grass fed ground beef. By expensive I am talking I could have bought TWO for the price of this one item. Its that serious!

I have several friends that buy a 1/2 a cow that is grass fed and said there is no other way to eat beef now. Can it really be that big of a difference? I can say without a shadow of a doubt and without hesitation YES! Hands down it isn't even in the same zip code. How is that possible? Its the same SPECIES of MEAT! I can tell you in one word. Are you ready?

Chemicals

Our food isn't food anymore. Its chemicals. Right down to what our food consumes. Chemicals. Might as well go drink pine sol from under your kitchen sink. (don't really do it ok)

I decided that since I had a good experience with ONE organic item I would try another.

We drink a lot of juice. Caden still drinks half and half because there is no nutritional value in straight up juice. You really need the fiber IN the apple. (that is another discussion) Our last trip to Aldi's  they had this next to the other apple juice. I thought I would give it a try. Yet again I was BLOWN AWAY! I HAD to try it when we got home. I still had the other juice in the fridge I just had to see if it tasted any different. I  noticed when I opened the lid that it even SMELLED different. How is this possible? What are we giving our children all over the United States? This stuff is given through WIC! Scares me when I think about it.

This trip I decided to expand my radar to anything else Aldi's sells that is organic. Other than the grass fed beef everything has been extremely reasonable and not THAT much more expensive. Totally worth it to me to have my food TASTE better.

I am a noodle and sauce junkie. My pants hate me for it. I think my father is a noodle. My last meal on this earth will probably have noodles in it. I love noodles...and so does my son. I have tried and tested a lot of marinara sauces. Everything from the .99 to the $10 a jar stuff. I will tell you right now I am done tasting and done buying. This stuff is AMAZING. It tastes like something a grandmother would be simmering on the stove all day. It tastes like REAL food. If my stomach wasn't so full and hurt from all the noodles I just ate (which were also organic) I would make me another bowl. Hands down the best stuff I have ever eaten.

I never thought I would say this, but I really am impressed with organic. Will I spend twice as much on food now that I know it tastes better? NO. Maybe someday...but right now I can't force myself to do it. Aldi's just needs to get on the ball and make everything organic. I am now converted. Try it...you just maybe too.

Thanks for reading.



Lets talk about "Normal"

I didn't think I would get to blog again for awhile, but I am here. I miss it. Its a place where I can let my hair down and not be politically correct or worry about someone else getting their feelings hurt. This is my little corner of the world if they don't like what I have to say...leave. Plus I have missed you. I am back for now. Waiting for our house to close hopefully soon.

A few weeks ago I got a text from my sister asking me if I had anxiety or panic attacks. Which is a weird question for her because this is the sister that I have never seen cry. She is one of those girls that could possibly break a leg and keep on going. She gave birth to a 10 pound baby and my mom said she never complained or cried one second during the entire thing. I never hear her raise her voice...never hear her complain...I never thought I would ever say this, but she is the mom I've always wanted to be. We don't agree on everything (like herbs and conventional medicines) but who needs to right?

I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks possibly my entire life. Its not something I advertise. Not something I tell a lot of people about. Not something I share. Not that I feel like its a flaw. I just feel like we are all sent here with our own little kinks and we need to learn how to live with them and share with others.  Its about growing and helping each other out. That is why we are here. To love one another.

Trying to explain to someone that has never experienced an anxiety or panic attack is like trying to describe the smell of a flower to someone that doesn't have a sense of smell. Its like trying to tell a pregnant couple how their entire world is about to change when their baby arrives. Until one has one, you really have no idea. You have no idea how scary they really are until you have experienced them yourself. They are not logical. Nothing about them is. I can't tell you why I have to have a drink in the car with me when I go some where. Even if I never drink it. I can't tell you why things have to be a certain way before I go to bed at night. I can't. I just have to.

I can remember sitting in the high school bathrooms during lunch because I couldn't bare to sit in the lunchroom and sit with friends. Feeling like I was going to throw up, stop breathing and pass out if I stepped one foot into the cafeteria. Not being able to go to "parties" because it was over whelming to be around so many people I knew. Being totally scared out of my mind to go to a school dance because everyone would look at me. How about not wanting to have a baby shower because I would have to much attention on me? Sitting here thinking back to all these moments makes it hard for me to breathe. Sharing these experiences with my sister is extremely difficult because it makes me vocalize and explain in a way that will make sense to someone who is dealing with the same thing. Like I said they aren't logical.

The reason I am telling you this, is because everyone in our lives handles things differently. You don't have to understand what they are going through. You don't even need to have gone through it to be supportive.

Understanding the process, however, is EXTREAMLY important.

Telling them to "stop freaking out" doesn't help. Telling them "this isn't normal" doesn't help. Most of the time asking "what can I do to help" makes it worse...If I knew what I could do to fix it I would already. Making fun of people who have had to get medical attention for anxiety attacks makes the ones who need it not want to get help. Medicine doesn't make them weak.

Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to us about their day. Sometimes we need a change of atmosphere. Sometimes we need someone to talk us through whatever it is that is making us have a panic attack. However every single time we need someone to be there being supportive. Not judging us for being "crazy". (Emily uses that word. Its a loving term I promise) There isn't anything wrong with us. We are normal. We just need to learn to handle situations differently.

I see my son having them and know right away how to handle it. He is to little to vocalize what is going on internally. His body language, facial expression, and color speaks volumes. Leaving where ever we are is the only way to make things better. Possibly talking about it later will help him understand what happened, but he may not really register it until later in life.

I love you Emily. Thank you for making me feel useful. xoxo

He has arrived. Happy Birthday my sweet boy.

I probably had the most perfect text book pregnancy anyone could have asked for. Other than being pregnant in Alabama in JULY and looking like a swollen watermelon; I really felt great. (I do however have stretch marks on my ankles from my ankles getting so huge...who does that?)

Never a problem.

I had the typical, can't sleep, need to pee, starving, uncomfortable days...but aren't those NORMAL!?

I had joked the entire pregnancy that I was cutting Caden off at 8 pounds. My sister had an almost 10 pound baby and my right leg weighs more than she does. I was terrified of having a big baby and getting torn to pieces. I scheduled a day to be induced. I wanted to make sure I had my family in the same state to help and enjoy this day with my husband and family. Day set, family flown in and we had our final appointment. Our dr had said that my blood pressure was slightly elevated and that I needed to come back that night and we would start the process. YES!!! Our son would be here before we knew it.

Its so interesting I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I am sure I will the rest of my life. We went to dinner with Keith (my step father. Although he is more like a real father to me. That is an entire different story) and my husband at the Olive Garden. I love pasta! I needed a few carbs to make sure I had enough energy to get me through the next few days...right???

After dinner we headed over to settle into our giant suite at the hospital. It was GINORMOUS! I felt like I was in a penthouse of a local hotel. (Ive never been in one, but if I had...it would look like this) We really could of had a high school prom in my room. Right smack in the middle of this huge thing was my bed and monitors. When we got there the nurse gave me this beautiful hospital gown (sarcasm)  and told me to "undress and put this on". I have a question...why is it they can spend THOUSANDS of dollars on a room but spend $12 on a gown? Really? If they can't provide nice hospital gowns may I suggest you bill us for one? You charge us almost a million dollars for a birth a half way decent gown wont hurtcha.

Did anyone sleep the night before? I certainly didn't. The two Ambien they gave me didn't help either. I think it may have done the exact opposite to me AND Caden. It also didn't help that I kept removing the monitors on my belly and the nurse would come in and make me put them back on.

Emily and Adam were in the room with me that night. Both sleeping like babies. How I envied them.

That next morning bright and early my nurse came in and started the process.

Oh for the love of all.

Roll to your left.

Roll to your right.

Hike your left leg...Hike your leg right.

Sleep.

Breathe.

Sleep.

I need to pee.

Hour one down. I was already exhausted and the process just got started.

My first mistake was thinking that labor was easy. LIES! Its called LABOR for a reason ladies and gentleman. None of this is easy. Being strapped to a bed makes it worse.

Moving on.

As the day progressed and the Pitocin was being increased Caden wasn't liking it much. When they decided at around 12 that they were going to break my water his heart rate bottomed out created a big problem. After inserting a fetal monitor on the top of Caden's head and attaching a constant running stream of saline solution into my uterus and placing me on my left side Caden was back to a normal heart rate. At this point since I can't move from the position I was in I got a catheter. First time ever...I could have went my entire life never having one. Then the leg compression cuff went on...THEN the oxygen to my face happened...THEN the blood pressure cuff went on...THEN the oxygen level red light thingy went on my finger! Did you catch all that?

1. Constant stream of water into my uterus. (I felt like my water was breaking for 6 hours non stop)
2. Cath...YAY.
3. Leg compressions
4. oxygen
5. blood pressure cuffs
6. Red light on my finger
7. Lets not forget the 3-4 IV's I had

Oh and don't forget the contractions that are abnormally strong and unnaturally more intense...Lets just say I was slightly irritable.

Every single time I would have a contraction ONE of those if not all of them would go off. Finally I looked at the nurse and said...I can't handle all of these things on me. "If you are good and you keep your oxygen level up I will let you take the oxygen mask off"...Who breaths through a contraction! Not me I held my breath. Needless to say I didn't get anything taken off.

I think around 1 I asked for an epidural. I needed something to help me relax. I was having panic attacks. I was freaking out about Caden. Every contraction was making his heart rate unstable. (that is what unnatural contractions do to a baby) The Pitocin made me shake so bad I couldn't get my teeth to stop chattering. (Also another side effect) I couldn't rest. I couldn't relax. I wasn't progressing.

When I said those magic words it was like everyone stopped what they were doing and called "The Man" in a few short minutes he was there. I didn't care how big the needle was. I didn't care. At that point if they would have said "I am going to have to chop off a finger" I think I would have let them. During the process of getting the epidural you are told not to move or there could be bad things that happen. Yikes!  When it started to kick in...I felt NOTHING below my lungs. Almost had a hard time breathing. (which is another side effect) However I was finally able to relax.

My mom jokes around and tells me that I have a low tolerance for pain, but let me tell you something. The nurse really did have it turned up high. Adam would ask about the line on the contracts and the nurse would tell him they were pretty intense. Contractions like that don't happen until the END. I was in the middle. They build up. I was miserable.

The epidural lasted an hour. I slept great. Then we had company. As Brooke was saying good bye she went to squeeze my foot and I felt it. She said "You shouldn't have felt that." She was right that's when things went south.

The epidural didn't happen right. Somewhere along the way it kinked. "The Man" came back in and gave me a "boost" it lasted a few short 10 minutes. Both him and my nurse looked at each other and were a little nervous. (I think everyone in the hospital knows a lot of meds aren't good for the baby, or momma, but they have you so cranked up on Pitocin you feel like you are trapped) I NEEDED another one. Adam signed another waver and they tried again.

The Dr came in and said "I am worried about infection setting in and Caden isn't handling the contractions well, I think we should do a C-section." It was 4:45. I had not even been in Labor an entire 12 hours yet and I felt like he had already given up on me. I think when I heard "infection" and "Caden isn't' handling the contractions well" I panicked. Wouldn't you?? First time mom here. I want a healthy baby. I don't care what happens to me. Slice me, cut me, take my belly and flip it over my face...I don't care just make sure my baby is alive. Right?

Off we went.

The GREAT thing about this was all the contraptions I acquired came off for an hour. It was great!

In the OR the epidural that I had, started wearing off again. I could feel things and I was moving my legs. That shouldn't be happening. As they were prepping me I could feel cold, I could feel them cutting, I could feel them moving things around. It was terrible and very scary. "The Man" looked at me and turned white and said "I can't give you anything else. We have to wait until the baby is out. I will knock you out as soon as he is here." The room started spinning and I could feel myself passing out. I just wanted to see my baby before I blacked out. I wanted to hear him cry! I wanted to make sure he was ok. "Please God let me hear my baby cry before I black out"

He put an alcohol swab under my oxygen tubes. Hoping that would help me not to get sick or pass out. They pulled Caden out and everyone was happy. I couldn't hear anything. Having a sheet over my face I was panicking not hearing him. Tears began to steam down my face thinking the worst. Why isn't my little guy crying! I looked at Adam scared something was wrong. "He is just fine they are just cleaning him off." Finally the sound every momma wants to hear. Those lungs wide open and the screams of their newly born little. Music to a mommas ears.

Then they showed him to me.

In that moment, a connection no one understands but new parents, was formed. Nothing else mattered. Not the pain. Not the blood all over the room. Not the vomit on my face. Nothing. I just wanted to hold my son. I wanted to place him on my bare chest and talk to him. Introduce myself. Just tell him how much I loved him. Stare into those eyes and smell his sweet smell. Hold this tiny little person that had grown inside of my belly for 9 months. I still can't explain how I could love someone or something I had just met. My entire universe I had known 15 minutes ago...had stopped and had changed to him.

We were finally parents.

The part no one talks about will be next.

Thank you for stopping by.