Living Life from day to day.

I have been MIA a little while and I want to apologize to all my faithful readers. Know I have been reading your emails and I am still here. Its taken me a few weeks to wrap my head around my new life. Find my way around my new city. Find "my place" in life again. I know that sounds dramatic, but its true.

I have identified a personality flaw in me that makes me go through this funk for like three months after I move. I am not sure why...I do know I feel totally out of sorts for far to long. I feel like I am FINALLY feeling like myself again. Sometimes people go outward to find peace...I find peace on the inside.

Moving onto better things.

Our new home is starting to feel like our home. Caden has stopped asking to "go home". I have to remind him we ARE home. I have found a Private Christian Preschool because he kept asking me "where all his friends were" talk about breaking a mommas heart. I struggled sending him because of the "I want to homeschool" part of me...until a friend of mine said "If you are worried about what other people think about you putting him into school...then you aren't homeschooling for the wrong reasons" true. I did it and haven't looked back. I do see things that are happening that I don't agree with, but not everything can be perfect all the time.

Adam is doing ok. Life at the retail store CRAZY! I could write six blog posts and it would be a boring long post. The short story... I am so thankful that Walmart is a great company to work for. They have been beyond good to our family. I look forward to the journey ahead.

Christmas is right around the corner! Holy Mollie! Where in the world has this year gone? Don't we say that every single year?? I swear if time doesn't slow down I am going to be old and in a nursing home asking someone to pass me my teeth! I looked at Caden the other day and he has grown in two weeks and I need to replace his pants! I just bought them!! I don't know how people with more than one child keeps up with clothes!

There you go. We are still alive. I am still alive.

Stay tuned for posts from preschool. I will post those soon.



To a Perfectionist From a Perfectionist

If you are here that means you too are a perfectionist. Welcome. As I write this I am listening to my washer and dryer going, listening to the TV my husband left on from lunch and just a few minutes ago put my tired 3 year old to sleep. He was entirely to tired. It was a long day at preschool. Today is one of those days for me that I feel like I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the mountain of laundry that I only do on Mondays. (Is it time to add another day of laundry? Say it isn't so.) Overwhelmed by the house that needs to be cleaned. Floors that need to be scrubbed. Walls that need to be finished painting. (unfinished projects drive me crazy) Dogs that need to be fed. Clothes that need to be ironed for tomorrows day of work. FHE that needs to be planned. Dinner that should be started. A car that needs to be emptied from a trip into town.

What did I choose to do...Blog.

Why?

Because after talking to my mom there is 1 thing that matters. Everyone needs to be alive and feelings INTACT at the end of the day...those feelings and life include mine.

Her exact text to me was "If whatever you want to do at home is going to keep people from dying then do it otherwise let it go"

Profound.

I giggled, but she was spot on.

I fill my days with things that put burdens on myself that take away from having a GOOD day. Thinking that I need to fulfill a certain quota to make it a good day. Feeling productive is a requirement in my brain. When in reality what really matters are the feelings of those around me.

I can finish laundry tomorrow.

Its ok that the pillows on the couch aren't perfect.

The floor being dirty isn't killing anyone.

The dogs do need to be fed.

I can iron later.

We can do FHE tomorrow.

We can have grilled cheese for dinner.

The shoes can stay in the car another day. It wont kill anyone.

As stay at home mothers and wives we need a minute of quiet. We need that outlet that is just ours. A place you can get away and regroup. Whether that "getaway" is a few minutes in the bathtub alone (Not something I can do...but if that is how you relax...then DO IT), a few chapters in a book you really want to read, or a blog you've decided to write that motivates moms....then DO IT. Our families NEED us happy and healthy. You can't be a good mom or a good wife freaking out about laundry. (Mostly I am talking to myself here).

Ask yourself this: Can your emotional plate handle one more thing right now? If not then you are spread entirely to thin and you need to be singing a frozen song right now--"Let it go, Let it go"

For me remembering WHY I wanted to stay at home needed to be a reminder.

I need to just let it happen.

To the mom who said "I am so afraid of leaving my job to stay at home with my children"

First of all I want to start off by saying: I know what you are going through!! Two years ago I was longing in my heart to be at home with my little. To be that wife that had the dinner ready when my husband got home. (I am a liberated woman! Why can't I take care of my husband?)  To create a safe haven for my family. I WANTED THAT!!!

We lived off every single penny we made at that time. Several times a year we were over drawn. WHY! We were making six figures!! Where in the world did all of our money go!!! Our little miracle baby was babysitter hopping just so my husband and I could keep up with the bills. We were both to tired to clean. Both to tired to keep up with food preparations. We were both to tired to love one another.

We were broke and money had nothing to do with it.

Taking a "gamble" on faith by deciding our son was more important than the money I earned, took my breath away. I was one month away from getting a $20k a year raise!! Something I had wanted for a very long time, but you know what...I wanted my little to have a mommy MORE! That was the turning point for us. What were we willing to "sacrifice" for me to stay at home. It meant loosing almost $50k a year in income. ($70k if you think about the raise) Think about that. I don't care what anyone tells you...or any thought you may have in your mind about money. What you make is what you SPEND! Getting a raise isn't the problem. Its the way you HANDLE your money you have now.

Deciding what was a NEED and what was a WANT was the first thing we did.

1. We wanted me at home.

Anything after that, other than food and shelter, came second.

I am here to tell you it can be done. I am the worlds worse at handling finances. (If I could show you my checkbook...You would agree. I am 32 and I am just now learning to balance a checkbook.) You CAN make anything happen if you want it bad enough. If you and your husband (or significant other) see things the same...there IS a way! There is! You may never drive a new car again. You may never have a new cell phone...or a cell phone for that matter. You may never have cable TV...you may not go on another family vacation (outside your backyard) for a really long time! Let me ask you a question? If you were to die today...who would miss you more? Your family or your job? Children aren't a distraction from more important work...THEY ARE the important work.  

I realized that the only thing he desired was my time. Not the new toys. Not the new electronic device. Not the cable TV...my undivided attention.

You can do it momma!

Is it HARD? Oh boy was it ever. Were there days I wanted some peace and quiet at my retail job? YES! (Are there still days?? YUP!) Then there are those quiet moments on the floor playing trains and him telling me about memories he has that take my breathe away. No amount of income will ever make up for that.

Do we have "extra" money after all the bills are paid and the fridge is full? We usually have less than a hundred dollars. A year ago we had less than that. Several months in a row we had less than twenty. We made do. We didn't die...and no one knew we struggled. I just had to be more creative on how we managed our money. Its a skill now. We were broke...and my son was happy.

But HE is our reason we struggle.

Its worth it.



A calm in the storm for now.

I have a few moments before life gets crazy again and what do I want to do?!!! Blog. Yes its true. I have almost felt lost the last few weeks not blogging, but my OCD and my anxiety wont let me concentrate on anything else but what we have going on right now. I apologize for not being normal.

Let me update you on what has happened in the last few weeks while I have been gone.

1. Finally bought our house by Adam's new store! Thank goodness! She is mine...all mine. I can't wait to get inside and start making her my own. Go out side to check out the yard and what do I find in the backyard? An Elderberry tree! Heavenly Father does answer prayers. Now to sell my house in Birmingham. Prayers please.

2. Caden had his first trip to the Emergency room for a cut! It was a total FREAK accident. Seriously. How many boys get cuts with a hot wheel? SMH...mine. Its a family thing I swear. After 3 hours waiting in an ER and a little glue and tape and we were as good as new. No biggie.

3. Adam taking his first trip as a Store Manager to Colorado for the Holiday meeting. He said he wasn't excited, but he did get to see people he hadn't seen in a while. Getting him ready for that was interesting. Note to anyone who is reading this (especially if you are a man) listen to your wife when she says "Babe lets go buy you a sports jacket..." mmmk! Did I mention the day after he got home we closed on our house???

4. My amazing husband has worked non stop since he took over a "sister" store. He is a hard worker, but the extra stress the responsibility has put on our family has been a little over bearing. I don't handle change well and neither does my son. I need a structured routine. Well last week we took a mini impromptu vacation to Savannah, Georgia. Not all vacations need to be expensive. This one was super cheap! I am just happy Caden got to spend time with his daddy and I got to sit in the car and hold his hand. I was a happy girl.

5. Next week we officially move. I am so thankful for all that Walmart has done. I know so many people have hateful things to say, but you never get to hear the good things Walmart does. Most of the time its because the people who have bad things to say are the ones who couldn't hack it or don't work hard. Walmart has been nothing but good to Adam. Starting out as a part time Garden Center lot boy loading cow poop to a Store Manager. Its a fairy tale story if you ask me. 

Thank you for stopping by. I have several more posts coming. I will have them scheduled...so stop by in a few days for something exciting news and our recent trip to Savannah.



Does the label really make a difference?

In my journey to the discovery of "real food" I have stumbled on a fantastic form of food called "Organic". Have you seen these items? I am sure you have they are usually twice as much and it doesn't LOOK any different...yeah those items. I have spent YEARS avoiding them. I couldn't see the benefit of spending twice as much for food that looked the same. I love a bargain and don't want to spend a dime more for something if I can get it cheaper. (unless the brand is just nasty...then I will spend the extra dime)

Most of you know I shop at Aldi's. I know! My husband is a store manager at Walmart and I shop at Aldi's. -Like I said I can't spend more on groceries if someone else sells it cheaper.- When you get mac n cheese for .39 a box and it is GOOD, why spend $1.99 on the same thing??

 Anyway...

My first item I purchased that was "organic" and WAY more expensive, was the grass fed ground beef. By expensive I am talking I could have bought TWO for the price of this one item. Its that serious!

I have several friends that buy a 1/2 a cow that is grass fed and said there is no other way to eat beef now. Can it really be that big of a difference? I can say without a shadow of a doubt and without hesitation YES! Hands down it isn't even in the same zip code. How is that possible? Its the same SPECIES of MEAT! I can tell you in one word. Are you ready?

Chemicals

Our food isn't food anymore. Its chemicals. Right down to what our food consumes. Chemicals. Might as well go drink pine sol from under your kitchen sink. (don't really do it ok)

I decided that since I had a good experience with ONE organic item I would try another.

We drink a lot of juice. Caden still drinks half and half because there is no nutritional value in straight up juice. You really need the fiber IN the apple. (that is another discussion) Our last trip to Aldi's  they had this next to the other apple juice. I thought I would give it a try. Yet again I was BLOWN AWAY! I HAD to try it when we got home. I still had the other juice in the fridge I just had to see if it tasted any different. I  noticed when I opened the lid that it even SMELLED different. How is this possible? What are we giving our children all over the United States? This stuff is given through WIC! Scares me when I think about it.

This trip I decided to expand my radar to anything else Aldi's sells that is organic. Other than the grass fed beef everything has been extremely reasonable and not THAT much more expensive. Totally worth it to me to have my food TASTE better.

I am a noodle and sauce junkie. My pants hate me for it. I think my father is a noodle. My last meal on this earth will probably have noodles in it. I love noodles...and so does my son. I have tried and tested a lot of marinara sauces. Everything from the .99 to the $10 a jar stuff. I will tell you right now I am done tasting and done buying. This stuff is AMAZING. It tastes like something a grandmother would be simmering on the stove all day. It tastes like REAL food. If my stomach wasn't so full and hurt from all the noodles I just ate (which were also organic) I would make me another bowl. Hands down the best stuff I have ever eaten.

I never thought I would say this, but I really am impressed with organic. Will I spend twice as much on food now that I know it tastes better? NO. Maybe someday...but right now I can't force myself to do it. Aldi's just needs to get on the ball and make everything organic. I am now converted. Try it...you just maybe too.

Thanks for reading.



He has arrived. Happy Birthday my sweet boy.

I probably had the most perfect text book pregnancy anyone could have asked for. Other than being pregnant in Alabama in JULY and looking like a swollen watermelon; I really felt great. (I do however have stretch marks on my ankles from my ankles getting so huge...who does that?)

Never a problem.

I had the typical, can't sleep, need to pee, starving, uncomfortable days...but aren't those NORMAL!?

I had joked the entire pregnancy that I was cutting Caden off at 8 pounds. My sister had an almost 10 pound baby and my right leg weighs more than she does. I was terrified of having a big baby and getting torn to pieces. I scheduled a day to be induced. I wanted to make sure I had my family in the same state to help and enjoy this day with my husband and family. Day set, family flown in and we had our final appointment. Our dr had said that my blood pressure was slightly elevated and that I needed to come back that night and we would start the process. YES!!! Our son would be here before we knew it.

Its so interesting I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I am sure I will the rest of my life. We went to dinner with Keith (my step father. Although he is more like a real father to me. That is an entire different story) and my husband at the Olive Garden. I love pasta! I needed a few carbs to make sure I had enough energy to get me through the next few days...right???

After dinner we headed over to settle into our giant suite at the hospital. It was GINORMOUS! I felt like I was in a penthouse of a local hotel. (Ive never been in one, but if I had...it would look like this) We really could of had a high school prom in my room. Right smack in the middle of this huge thing was my bed and monitors. When we got there the nurse gave me this beautiful hospital gown (sarcasm)  and told me to "undress and put this on". I have a question...why is it they can spend THOUSANDS of dollars on a room but spend $12 on a gown? Really? If they can't provide nice hospital gowns may I suggest you bill us for one? You charge us almost a million dollars for a birth a half way decent gown wont hurtcha.

Did anyone sleep the night before? I certainly didn't. The two Ambien they gave me didn't help either. I think it may have done the exact opposite to me AND Caden. It also didn't help that I kept removing the monitors on my belly and the nurse would come in and make me put them back on.

Emily and Adam were in the room with me that night. Both sleeping like babies. How I envied them.

That next morning bright and early my nurse came in and started the process.

Oh for the love of all.

Roll to your left.

Roll to your right.

Hike your left leg...Hike your leg right.

Sleep.

Breathe.

Sleep.

I need to pee.

Hour one down. I was already exhausted and the process just got started.

My first mistake was thinking that labor was easy. LIES! Its called LABOR for a reason ladies and gentleman. None of this is easy. Being strapped to a bed makes it worse.

Moving on.

As the day progressed and the Pitocin was being increased Caden wasn't liking it much. When they decided at around 12 that they were going to break my water his heart rate bottomed out created a big problem. After inserting a fetal monitor on the top of Caden's head and attaching a constant running stream of saline solution into my uterus and placing me on my left side Caden was back to a normal heart rate. At this point since I can't move from the position I was in I got a catheter. First time ever...I could have went my entire life never having one. Then the leg compression cuff went on...THEN the oxygen to my face happened...THEN the blood pressure cuff went on...THEN the oxygen level red light thingy went on my finger! Did you catch all that?

1. Constant stream of water into my uterus. (I felt like my water was breaking for 6 hours non stop)
2. Cath...YAY.
3. Leg compressions
4. oxygen
5. blood pressure cuffs
6. Red light on my finger
7. Lets not forget the 3-4 IV's I had

Oh and don't forget the contractions that are abnormally strong and unnaturally more intense...Lets just say I was slightly irritable.

Every single time I would have a contraction ONE of those if not all of them would go off. Finally I looked at the nurse and said...I can't handle all of these things on me. "If you are good and you keep your oxygen level up I will let you take the oxygen mask off"...Who breaths through a contraction! Not me I held my breath. Needless to say I didn't get anything taken off.

I think around 1 I asked for an epidural. I needed something to help me relax. I was having panic attacks. I was freaking out about Caden. Every contraction was making his heart rate unstable. (that is what unnatural contractions do to a baby) The Pitocin made me shake so bad I couldn't get my teeth to stop chattering. (Also another side effect) I couldn't rest. I couldn't relax. I wasn't progressing.

When I said those magic words it was like everyone stopped what they were doing and called "The Man" in a few short minutes he was there. I didn't care how big the needle was. I didn't care. At that point if they would have said "I am going to have to chop off a finger" I think I would have let them. During the process of getting the epidural you are told not to move or there could be bad things that happen. Yikes!  When it started to kick in...I felt NOTHING below my lungs. Almost had a hard time breathing. (which is another side effect) However I was finally able to relax.

My mom jokes around and tells me that I have a low tolerance for pain, but let me tell you something. The nurse really did have it turned up high. Adam would ask about the line on the contracts and the nurse would tell him they were pretty intense. Contractions like that don't happen until the END. I was in the middle. They build up. I was miserable.

The epidural lasted an hour. I slept great. Then we had company. As Brooke was saying good bye she went to squeeze my foot and I felt it. She said "You shouldn't have felt that." She was right that's when things went south.

The epidural didn't happen right. Somewhere along the way it kinked. "The Man" came back in and gave me a "boost" it lasted a few short 10 minutes. Both him and my nurse looked at each other and were a little nervous. (I think everyone in the hospital knows a lot of meds aren't good for the baby, or momma, but they have you so cranked up on Pitocin you feel like you are trapped) I NEEDED another one. Adam signed another waver and they tried again.

The Dr came in and said "I am worried about infection setting in and Caden isn't handling the contractions well, I think we should do a C-section." It was 4:45. I had not even been in Labor an entire 12 hours yet and I felt like he had already given up on me. I think when I heard "infection" and "Caden isn't' handling the contractions well" I panicked. Wouldn't you?? First time mom here. I want a healthy baby. I don't care what happens to me. Slice me, cut me, take my belly and flip it over my face...I don't care just make sure my baby is alive. Right?

Off we went.

The GREAT thing about this was all the contraptions I acquired came off for an hour. It was great!

In the OR the epidural that I had, started wearing off again. I could feel things and I was moving my legs. That shouldn't be happening. As they were prepping me I could feel cold, I could feel them cutting, I could feel them moving things around. It was terrible and very scary. "The Man" looked at me and turned white and said "I can't give you anything else. We have to wait until the baby is out. I will knock you out as soon as he is here." The room started spinning and I could feel myself passing out. I just wanted to see my baby before I blacked out. I wanted to hear him cry! I wanted to make sure he was ok. "Please God let me hear my baby cry before I black out"

He put an alcohol swab under my oxygen tubes. Hoping that would help me not to get sick or pass out. They pulled Caden out and everyone was happy. I couldn't hear anything. Having a sheet over my face I was panicking not hearing him. Tears began to steam down my face thinking the worst. Why isn't my little guy crying! I looked at Adam scared something was wrong. "He is just fine they are just cleaning him off." Finally the sound every momma wants to hear. Those lungs wide open and the screams of their newly born little. Music to a mommas ears.

Then they showed him to me.

In that moment, a connection no one understands but new parents, was formed. Nothing else mattered. Not the pain. Not the blood all over the room. Not the vomit on my face. Nothing. I just wanted to hold my son. I wanted to place him on my bare chest and talk to him. Introduce myself. Just tell him how much I loved him. Stare into those eyes and smell his sweet smell. Hold this tiny little person that had grown inside of my belly for 9 months. I still can't explain how I could love someone or something I had just met. My entire universe I had known 15 minutes ago...had stopped and had changed to him.

We were finally parents.

The part no one talks about will be next.

Thank you for stopping by.



Good Morning My lovelies!

Its been a little crazy around here these last few weeks. Adam isn't allowing me to spill the beans just yet. Fine. Its exciting news...yet he wants to keep it quiet!? Its KILLING ME! Seriously. I have a big mouth. I have a hard time keeping anything secret. This one may make me burst.

Here are a few things that I have been doing to keep myself busy.

1. My son's birthday Party. SAY WHAT!? He is three. Its breaking my heart. That boy owns our hearts. It has turned into a birthday for him and a birthday for his PawPaw (that's southern for grandpa) and you know what...I suggested it. Their birthdays are one week apart. There is no one like his PawPaw and to share a birthday party with him would be his ultimate celebration. I just happened to make that dream come true.

2. Caden's year book. I have made one every single year since his first birthday. Yes I know he is only 3 but I look forward to putting his year of pictures into a book. If he doesn't appreciate them when he is 30 maybe his wife will. If they don't...I will keep them.

3. My whole 30. Well the day I "Started" I had an EPIC fail. If anyone has ever had white cheese dip from a Mexican restaurant in the south you know what happened. So I said to myself "Self, you might as well have a MEGA large Mr Pibb because you have already jacked yourself up." Don't mind if I do. Two refills later and a take home drink. This girl had officially JACKED herself up. In 3 days my nasty jiggily gut has returned....FACE PALM...Why do I do this to myself?

4. I started a garbage can cover. When I say "I", I mean, I designed it, drug my husband to Lowes...made him pay for some lumber (its our money right?) and then showed him how I wanted it built. I am UBER scared of our miter saw. I run away like a scared mouse. True Story. I've had the almost finished project sitting in our garage waiting for stain for about a month. I am broke and I had other things pressing to pay for like...the power bill...the stain had to wait. I hope some time this century I will have a finish project to show you. Not to mention I decided to paint it by hand. Another Proud moment of mine.

5. This exciting news has also consumed my life. CONSUMED. When I am able to tell you, you will totally understand.

6. Small projects around the house. I have put off because I thought someday my husband would have time...Sorry I just laughed at myself. That man is so busy I have started to cut the grass myself. Keep in mind I am allergic to grass and trees. When he comes home the only thing I WANT him to do is play with his boy. That's it. Dishes on the floor from having a picnic...I'll get it. Socks on the floor from playing with his boy...I'll pick them up, and I wont say a.single.word.about.it. SWEAR.

7. Mary Kay. I know some people roll their eyes when they read that, but I am serious. I have met some of the most genuine women through Mary Kay. I have also learned a lot about myself. Like for example: I love being able to change the way women feel about themselves without make up on. I could careless about the money. (True Story, email my director and she will tell you the same thing.) Although the money I DO make I put right back into it because it pays for my habit. My "Small Potato" sales turned into a $5,000 year for me! That's a lot of Mary Kay I sold to friends and family! I loved every single second of it. Who knows maybe my $5,000 small potatoes will turn into $10,000!! I girl can dream right?

8. Primary. I am Primary President at my church. I don't usually tell many people about it. Not that I am not proud of the calling I have, because I am. If you aren't a member of our church it would be hard to explain what it is I do exactly....and there aren't a lot of  "Mormons" around here. ANYWAY. We have had a lot of changes in the past few weeks and it has become even more hectic. I love those children with all my heart. They have taught me so much. Thankful that Heavenly Father gave me the opportunity to grow with them.

Thank you for stopping by. Don't give up. Check back. Maybe I will have some news for you!

Confessions from a new "Label Reader"

Good Morning my lovelies! I went almost a week without posting. I am sorry. Its been a little crazy around here, and I hope I can tell you what is going on really soon. Until then. Thank you for being understanding and forgive my tardiness.

Last night, before bed, a friend of mine told me she was stalking my blog. It made my night. I went to bed thinking about things I wanted to write about. I literally went to sleep thinking about food labels. Wait. Hear me out. Before you click the EXIT button. Just hear me out. Please.

Last Saturday my husband and I went to my mother-in-laws for my husband's and his father's special "Father's Day Dinner". Going to their house is always a good time. This particular time we had a lesson in food. It always amazes me that although the definition of "good food" seems to change...our bodies don't. Doesn't that seem odd to you? Children are becoming more and more overweight. Their health is declining. Yet we don't seem to understand why...Maybe it should start with teaching parents to read labels. Yes exercise is a big issue, however, if you eat potato chips and drink soda all day it doesn't matter how many miles you run on a treadmill those "food items" aren't fuel.

 Just throwing that out there.

After watching Food INC (or  you can watch it on Netflix's) I have become a little obsessed with reading labels. It was eye opening, but also it just affirmed a lot of things I had already thought about for awhile. Like: Why are girls going through puberty so early? Why doesn't food taste the same any more? Why is obesity at an all time high?

Back to my mother-in-laws. We were talking about "food" and talking about my family going on to the Whole 30. My MIL thought I was crazy. I don't blame her I think I am crazy. Then we started discussion why I think America is so unhealthy. (My personal opinion...I am not a nutritionist) She pipes up and says "well I only use margarine its better for you than butter". Then his uncle pipes in and says "I only use Velveeta...its so much better for you than "real" cheese.

Say whaaaat?

ok. Lets read that food label shall we?

Note: While trying to google "Ingredients for Margarine" it literally took me 4 minutes to find someone who was willing to give me their ingredient list. Sounds a little odd.

Here is Land O lakes sticks: 

"Pure and Creamy" ?

Pure?? I am so confused.

Keep in mind this stuff ISNT cheap!





Ingredients: Liquid and Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Water, Buttermilk, Contains less than 2% of Salt, Soy Lecithin, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative), Mono and Diglycerides (Emulsifier), Lactic Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Vitamin A Palmitate, Beta Carotene (Color).
CONTAINS: Milk and Soy .

*At one time we thought "Soybeans" were the next best veggie. I am sure they used to be a good source of vitamins until a company turned them into a science experiment. Now they are so genetically altered that they resist all forms of pesticides and herbicides.
How is that possible in real life???

Sorry...Lets continue.... :

Soybean--Toxic

What in the HECK is a Soy Lecithin. Anyone pronounce that right?

--Preservative? Which means its like eating a mothball. Got a good visual in your mouth?

Mono and Diglycerides- Did you just swear at me?

Lactic Acid

Does it scare you that it doesn't tell you the "Natural and Artificial Flavors". That "Natural" flavor could be some guys dandruff --that's natural. Just saying.

Vitamin A Palmitate--an engineered vitamin because it has been all removed and must be added again. Odd. Why did we remove it in the first place?

Why should one have to google the ingredients to find out what is in it?

I love the Marketing--Pure. Sounds a bit to much.

Now to Velveeta....

First let me just say that is NOT cheese. Not even in the same Food group.

Melts better than cheddar cheese? lol That is so funny.

Prepared cheese product....see its not "cheese"

Ok. Google Can't find it. I will have to take a picture of this at the grocery store myself. That may have to be part II ...and my other favorite is the "No preservative" Ketchup. That will be in part II also.

Call me crazy. I really believe we are overweight because of the things we eat, or lack of real food, I should say. We eat food because it is fast and easy but it doesn't fill us up so we eat more of it. High caloric food with no nutritional value what so ever.

How I have changed over the last 6 months:

I have stopped coupon shopping.

Although you can get things FREE... are they things you should be feeding your family? Someone else's trash is free...does that mean you want it?

I have started making my own cleaners.

We have been TOLD certain chemicals cause cancers and yet we continue to use those items in our house.

 I am still trying to find a good reliable website for things like shampoo and toothpaste. That is next.

I still have a small amount of laundry detergent to use up and then I am making my own.

In the next few weeks I will be out of dryer sheets and will be making my own dryer balls.

Condiments I can make myself I am.

Ketchup

Mayo

For the record. I am not a tree hugger. There is nothing wrong with people who are...I am just not one. Although I do enjoy a good shade tree. Yes I do shave my arm pits...that wont change. I don't believe in Global warming. (Sorry. Not a subject I choose to argue about.) I do not drive a Prius. Although I did think they were pretty AWESOME when they first came out...Cars now are just as gas efficient.

I am just a normal. Everyday mom. Who wants to feed my son good nutritional foods. I want to teach him that there are "good" choices and choices that aren't "good". 

Before I watched Food INC I was clueless. Living is about learning right? What good is knowledge if you don't share it? We aren't "free" if we are struggle to live. I want all of us to not just LIVE but THRIVE.

Sharing is Caring.

As always. Thank you for reading. I hoped you learned a few things.
Tell me what you think.

xoxo.

Making your ends meet!

Since I began my new career as a stay-at-home mom I have struggled with the idea of not bring in any income. I do feel like I contribute by doing other things around the house, but I still feel like I need to bring in money. Thought I would share a few ways I help bring in money. Enjoy.





I first started my Mary Kay business just to get my discount, give me something to do and to make sure I could pay for my addiction. Its been a great way to meet moms! I have some great friends I have met through Mary Kay. Its turned into more than just a hobby. Its been an outlet for me in so many ways. It has been a FANTASTIC choice for me. There have been many women that have been in college who have decided to drop their major and did Mary Kay full time and have been extremely successful in Mary Kay. Its as real as you make it.

My second favorite way to make money is through apps on my iPhone. Yes you read that right. Some have apps for other OS's but not many. Its paid for Caden's birthday cake, our family pictures, extra Mary Kay, bills!!! You must have a PayPal account, but that is pretty easy to set up. I promise they wont disappoint. Some are more involved than others and some pay faster, BUT they are PAY! If you are in town or shopping at a store its a quick way to make an extra few bucks! I did have one called Rewardable. I would stay as far way from that app as possible.

I think we also forget about coupons bringing in money. Saving money is just as good if not BETTER than driving around getting jobs. If I can get toothpaste for free I am all about it! My most recent app I found is called Boxed. It is fantastic! Free Shipping no monthly fees! Its like a Costco without the lines or membership fees! (However nothing beats a Costco hotdog...you are right.) Its got everything from Organics to Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile soap. Its got cleaning products to personal hygiene and everything in-between. There is a $25 minimum order but that is easy enough.

I am so cheap now that its become painful to spend money. I HATE shopping in any retail store for new clothes. --Except bras and underwear those are still new-- If I can find a better price, or THINK I can find a better price I will do it first.

My favorite place to shop for groceries is Aldi's. Hands down no if's ands or buts about it. It drives my husband crazy spending money other than his place of business. Where else can a girl get a can of veggies for .49? AND THEY ARE GOOD! I make my list and go there first. I can usually spend about $125 for two weeks. (It has lasted a month before but I hate getting that low on groceries.) We hardly ever eat out and Adam takes lunches to work. You do the math.

Discount grocery stores. We have one local called Wise Buys. I find the most amazing deals here. They have a local butcher so their meat is fresh. Their veggies are local so they are fresh. I bought corn last week 6 for $1.00! Can't beat that! Their cans can be a little dented and a little to much dent isn't good. I usually buy their Rotel when they have it. Its normally $1.25 at Walmart and I get it for .25. Can't beat that price. Some things are expired so always make sure you check dates. (You should be checking them any where you shop anyway)

Thrift Stores. My mom helped us appreciate them when we were younger. Its been an obsession since my sister and I have become older, but can you blame us!? We find awesome deals! We don't have my favorite place to shop- Savers and DI like they have in Utah, but I have found a few clean ones here. The LoveLady in Birmingham not only has a clean store, great prices and great sales,but they have I think the most amazing mission I have seen. (Outside our church ran DI) I love shopping at thrift stores that I know the money I am spending is going to a good cause. Make me feel good about my used purchases. Find a local thrift store that you know your money is going to a good cause.

 Hope you enjoyed and learned a few things!

xoxo





 

Making the transition. Part 2

Its early. I just made breakfast for Adam and got him off to work. Caden is on the couch drinking his chocolate milk and watching trains. I thought while things were quiet I would finish my ramblings from yesterday.

I look back at how small he was and I was so wrapped up in work I missed all of that.

After three months of living in the RV we finally closed on our house. Looking back, I thank God every single day for that "transition". When I tell you I had to learn how to be a SAHM I really am not lying. You may know how to be a mom. You may know how to be a wife. One does not simply become a stay at home mom/wife overnight after having a career. If you are one of those who had an easy transition...you my friend, are my hero!

You mean you want dinner every night? When did cereal not become acceptable?

I don't remember my house getting dirty so fast! Wait...I wasn't home to make it messy.

Didn't I just emptied this dishwasher this morning? How in the world can it be full again?

What do you mean we only have $10 in our checking account? We just got paid yesterday!
Is that poop on the floor or a chocolate raisin? No its poop.
Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. I told you not to touch that.
No you can't eat the dog food. Fine. Eat the dog food.

Rosie when she was just a baby. This is Caden's best friend. Although she is now twice his size. They love each other.

It didn't really sink in that I wasn't going back to work until we moved and I would get Adam off to work. One day it occurred to me that I wasn't ever going to be leaving my house again as a "working" mom. I hit that wall again. This time I didn't have to go to the dr. I still had that full bottle of medicine in the cabinet. Problem solved. So I dug it out. Held it in my hand. Just take one. You need it. Its temporary. You'll be fine. I closed the lid and put it back. Stood there at the counter and cried. Who in the world had I become?? I had always put so much of my self worth into work. Rated my day and myself by how much we got accomplished off the "Notes". These days the notes never go away. I am doing literally the same thing every.single.day...Ever watched to movie ground hog day? I am living it.

I don't consider myself to be unstable. Yes I cry. A lot. Its not my fault. That little boy sitting on the couch changed me. If you are reading this you understand. Finding "You" as a SAHM is extremely important. I can't emphasis this enough. Who are you? Yes you are a mom. You maybe a wife. You may also be the Primary President at church. Those are roles you play. Who are you? Are you that mom/wife that makes your home a safe haven? A place your family knows if every single thing has gone wrong that day they can come home and feel safe. Are you that mom/wife who worries about how clean the house is and neglects those precious memories of being silly on the floor? Are you that mom who can't let yesterday go and your family members end up having to tip toe around you?

In a fleeting moment in time. So thankful we have pictures.

It has taken me over a year to decide who I really am. After putting so much self worth into my job. I didn't know who I was. It has been an emotional evolution for me. Those questions up there I asked you...were me. I had gotten so wrapped up in this picture perfect life as a stay at home wife and mother I had no concept of what it looked like in real life. Wanna know what it looks like now?

1. Teeth need to be brushed. --mine are optional. (Just kidding)

2. Tummies need to be full. --mine a little to much

3. Fun is mandatory

Right now at this stage of life that is all that is required. Yes there is child training in there. Yes we have tantrums and Caden has them too. If you come over unannounced I may or may not answer the door.

Most of my house cleaning happens either at nap time...or not at all. I really try and have the house picked up when Adam gets home not because I want him to think I have cleaned all day, but because after dinner...I DONT WANT TO CLEAN UP! Does it happen all the time. No it sure doesn't.

Seriously people. (As I am writing this Caden is peeing off the porch. I love potty training.) Those clothes can wait. The dust can wait. The vacuuming can wait. That schedule that you think HAS to stay put...needs to be flexible. If you don't get everything you want to get done today there is always tomorrow. There is nothing important enough to hurt a little ones feelings over. Ten years from now are they going to remember you having a freak out moment over...who knows what? Or are they going to remember the way you made them feel important and that they mattered?

 I know that this should go without saying, but those tiny children are real people. They have feelings. They matter. I think I realized this one day when Caden started shaking when I got upset. I was scaring him. (I had always heard I was a scary person when I got mad. I saw it in his eyes that day) My heart shattered into a million pieces. Whatever I got mad at was not important enough that my son needs to be shaking and afraid of me. I was ashamed. Then a few days later his behavior mimicked mine. I did not want to become THAT mom for sure.

What mornings look like at our house. Laying on his mat I made for him. He loves that thing.


Don't get me wrong. Caden does get disciplined. He does have consequences. I expect more out of him because I know he can do it and communicate my expectations. He doesn't always get it right, but neither do I. Its ok. Practice makes progress.

I have learned that you, as the home maker, have the ULTIMATE control of the environment at home. I don't care what anyone else says. I don't care what anyone else does. I don't care what your lifestyle is and frankly I don't care how much money you are worth. Your children and your home are and will become what you mold them into. You will make mistakes. (I know I still make them and know I will always make them) Apologize. Adjust. Move on. Change is good.

Be the best you. Not just for you but for your family.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

xoxo 

Making the transistion. Part 1

I know I have already blogged this week, but this has been on my heart and I wanted to share it. What a better audience to share it with than with you. --You're Welcome--

With us celebrating Mother's Day this month I wanted to blog about something that has taken me a lifetime to achieve. Being a mom. What I thought was going to be an easy thing to do has been the most difficult thing I have ever done.  I think everything about it has been difficult.

Getting pregnant.

Almost dying in the hospital after delivery.

The recovery.

 After 13 weeks of a long recovery and getting to know my son I had to go back to work. I still remember dropping him off at his sitters house and crying all the way to work. Feeling like a complete failure for not being able to stay at home with him. I thought I HAD to go back to work to pay for our bills. I prayed so hard to find someone that would love him as much as I did and although I HAD really found someone, and she did an AMAZING job, no amount of love someone else gives your child is the same as the Mother's love. Period. I know our Father in Heaven put her in our life because he knew we needed each other. After about 3 weeks I started to enjoy that time away. I felt like a "Super Hero" (I use that word because that is what we call my husband now) at work. Getting things done, accomplishing things outside of the home. I thought I was someone important and could make a difference. Although I WANTED to be at home with my son, it seemed easier to go to work.

That smile still makes my heart melt.

We went like this for 18 months. After several months of wrestling with myself about what I REALLY wanted for my future I went in prayer. Funny how things work out for the best when you stop doing things on your own and allow God to work.

Not getting a paycheck of my own was scary. We didn't need it any more. We had sold our house and we didn't have a house payment that NEEDED me to work. Plus I needed to finish packing and moving our house. That became my job. After that was over and we were comfortably moved into a 1982 36 foot RV my job became making sure my husband and my son were taken care of. How does one go from being a manager of a multimillion dollar retail store, managing any where from 80-500 people to staying home with a toddler? Oh.my.goodness. Eyes Wide Open. I used to joke with my mother-in-law that I went from my words and requests meaning something to being with someone who had no idea what I was talking about at all. Ever. Going from HAVING to be moving all day long to having to slow down and enjoying life. I did NOT adjust well.

Those eyes never get old to look at.

Its very difficult to put into words (with my very limited vocabulary) the culture and emotional shock I went through. I am very routine, to the letter, rules for everything, kind of person. I ran my business  that way. I ran our life that way and I thought for sure, when I stayed home, life was going to be the same way. Get up. Get dressed. Have an agenda. Stick to the agenda. Be the agenda...don't stray from the agenda...then check off those little notes like I did at work. I stress myself out just thinking about it now. I know most of you SAHM are like yeah...whatever.. what agenda!?

I think after being home for about two months I became depressed. What?! You!? Yes. Me. I had had those feelings before, but I was always able to dive into work and forget about them. Not this time. I went and saw the Dr. I needed to hear that I was sick with a cold or my iron was low. Something other than telling me I was depressed. He sat down and looked me in the eye and said.

"Do you think you might be depressed?"

(I think I may have started crying before he even asked me.)

 "I have a feeling all of these tests are going to come back normal. You've just had a lot of big changes happen its probably just temporary. It will be ok."

--Duh. I am to stubborn to play pity party for long. He scribbled me out a script and off I went.

I always missed things because I had to always work. He loves meeting new friends.

I filled that script. Took it home. Put it on the counter and starred at it. Almost as a reminder to get over it. Constantly reminding myself to stop being such a baby. To be grateful for the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. I was, after all, getting to see my son grow up before my eyes. Get to take naps when I wanted to. Go and do what I wanted to...stick to the agenda. Right??

 Let me tell you something. Being a stay-at-home mom is the single most difficult job I have EVER done. Period. This beats ANYTHING I ever did for Walmart. It's the most unappreciated, unrecognized job there is out there. When I tell people I am a stay at home mom they ROLL THEIR EYES AT ME! Then start talking to me in short, small phrases. I am serious. Like my credentials as a stay-at-home mom are worth nothing. It doesn't matter what I was BEFORE I was a mom. A mom, in this society, doesn't mean a HILL a beans. Not that it matters what other people think about me, but I almost blame societies image of women for choosing to stay at home as not as important as working.

Who says I don't work??

Do we make as much money as we did before?

Not even close.

Do we have as much "stuff" as we used to?

Nope.

Has it been easy?

Yes. When he is asleep.

I can tell you that even though we don't make as much. I am more tired than I have ever been, get dressed less, and put on make up less and less these days, My marriage has never been better. My son is happier. Our lives are finally the way it should be.

This is the single most important job there is.

These are moments worth sticking around for.



What would you have us do next?

I got my first "Hate Mail" (I am calling it) last week. I guess there is a first for everyone. This has turned into an outlet for me. Its almost like a journal of thoughts and feelings. Not really concerned about what people think or feel after reading it although I do appreciate the time they spent sharing my ramblings. This is a better place to release than Facebook.

There have been so many things that have happened to me that give me not a single slightest doubt in my mind there is a God and that he does love us.

1. When I was about 11 I was hit by a car. She was going approximately 45 miles an hour and was not paying attention to what was going on around her. I hit the hood of the car, slammed into the windshield slug over the top, I shattered the back glass and finally to the hot summer asphalt. I do not remember feeling any pain. All I remember was I needed to pee. After all, that was the reason I was riding my bike home to my grandmothers house. I have no memory of the trauma my body felt or what was going on internally. I DO remember being told by an old man (Dr. Bateman who saw the accident) not to close my eyes or sleep. (I do remember being EXTREAMLY tired) My grandma telling me I was ok and that everything was going to be fine. They both were lying to me. I had fluid coming out of my ears that the Dr. said was an indication of a head trauma . They strapped me to a board and off I went to the ER to have pictures taken.--After several hours of nonsense I finally got to pee.  I walked away from that accident like nothing had ever happened. Not a scratch anywhere on my body. Several weeks later a young girl in the same town was not so lucky.

Most women would never let you see this picture of them. I am swollen and still pretty pale. I just got out of bed. Most pain I have ever experienced. I am just grateful to have been holding my tiny newborn son.

 2. Several years later and a few days before my high school graduation I got sick with a head cold that left me pretty much unable to see, walk or get out of bed. Worried I wouldn't be able to walk across the stage and receive my diploma, because I couldn't miss practice, I plead with my mom for ideas. I was not an active member of the LDS church and couldn't remember ever having a priesthood blessing. I talked to my step father about having one and he said "Its not just about the blessing, but about your faith." Did I have enough faith to believe that Heavenly Father and Jesus could heal me? Phew. I had a lot riding on this blessing. YES! I remember coming out from the basement. Feeling like a creature from the underworld. My mom following closely behind me. Not being able to see very well and feeling like I was one knock away from being taken (and I am sure looking and smelling like it) by death. Fred Hadley was there with Keith Brothersen (my step father) ready to give me a blessing. To this day I can not tell you what was said. I can just remember FEELING like I had been touched and would be healed. My mom lead me back down stairs into the cave. I had such a peaceful sleep. My mom said when she came to check on me, my fever ,that would not break, had finally broke. I graduated. In my pictures you can not tell I had been sick. It was really a miracle.

...I could tell you thousands of moments in between, but I will spare you the boredom and hopefully not embarrass myself...

We were young and in love. We are still IN love, just not so young any more!

After my husband and I were married I became ill. "Violently ill" doesn't even begin to describe it. I forged through it. We went to church.  We planned on making a trip to my mothers, about an hour away, because it was Mother's Day. We had not been home long when I passed out, stopped breathing, and had a seizure. Panicked, my new husband called 911, all the while trying to get me to come to. This would be my first of MANY MANY "episodes" as we call them. No explanation as to why. Several dr's later and many sleepless nights we have decided to keep me away from triggers. Still we do not have a diagnosis.

Fast forward about 3 years. We are now living in Alabama. It was a fast Sunday and we had just awoke from our afternoon nap. When I came down stairs I felt another "episode" coming on and tried to make it to the floor and couldnt before the lights went out. I remember feeling peaceful and seeing my Grandmother who had passed not long before. Usually these episodes are pretty easy to come out of and don't last long. Adam said my lips were blue and he said I shook. What seemed like just a few moments to me lasted several minutes for Adam. He was worried I wasn't going to wake up. I remember it being hard to come back out of it. For whatever reason I was sent back. Still stubborn I guess and hadn't learned much I am sure, but I come by it naturally I assure you.

I still get that same feeling when I see this house now. When I saw this house for the first time on the MLS it felt like home. Now its not so much "The house", but all the hundreds of thousands of memories inside this house. This is and will always be a happy place for me.

Large and in charge...The baby...Not the woman.

3. My husband and I have had an extremely difficult time conceiving for whatever reason. Our son is literally our miracle baby. I joke around and say I don't have a clue how he "happened"...but it is partially true. (I wont go into his birth story here. I will save that for his birthday.) I will tell you after I delivered him and was sent to the recovery room I coded. My husband and sister were in the room and said every nurse on the floor came rushing into my room. I remember passing out. Not sure if it was from pain or if it was because my vitals dropped. I don't remember saying "Grandma why are you here?" or the nurses saying "Sweet heart where do you see your grandma" or my husband saying "Her grandmother died last year" or the nursing saying "That's NOT a good sign", but there in the room was my grandmother. "Jennifer its not time yet. You need to be strong. Everything is going to be ok"

This is how I see my grandma. Just young.

Not time for what? HA! Seriously. I must really need a lot of rough edges smoothed out.

Our son had just been born. He was perfect in every single way. I know that Heavenly Father knew Adam couldn't handle loosing his wife after just giving birth to his son. Still to this day Adam doesn't like talking about it. A tornado of emotions colliding that he doesn't like to relive.

Can you see how tired he looks. I am not sure he slept more than a few hours a night. I still look pretty pale from the blood transfusions and Caden is still in a fetal position he is so new. Literally our first family picture.

After a long struggle with wanting to become a Store Manager with Walmart or being a stay-at-home mom with Caden. I had a moment with Heavenly Father that solidified my faith. I plead with him. Let it all out. Cried. Not one of those moments you see on TV, but a quiet moment on my knees in a humble prayer. No other agenda. I gave it my all. Then I made a promise. I will go and do and be where ever you want me to be if you will allow me to stay at home. What seemed like an impossible feat happened in a matter of months. Faith. Although it was a tiny request HE heard my heart and I KNEW he would answer my prayer. It happened in a time I think I needed it the most. Yet following instruction as I got them and having faith he would lead us through whatever struggles we would have to deal with.

Leaving a very good career. Walking away from two incomes. Selling a house we both loved. Giving up material items we thought mattered. Giving our doubts and our fears to prayer and trusting the Lord would carry us through.

You never know the love you have for a child until you are a parent. They always tell you, but you really truly don't know.

I am not saying I am perfect. I think I view things a lot differently now. Every single day is a day I don't take for granted. Whether its playing on the floor with my son in the same clothes I have worn for two (or three) days, or holding him in my lap watching Thomas the Train (for the umpteenth time), I cherish every.single.breath like it may be my last. Not relying on what our desires are, but relinquishing our lives to Our Father in Heaven.

One of our very first pictures together after I became a stay at home mom. We all look so happy!

 What would you have us do next?

That is the question. Anxiously waiting for our next Journey. Waiting for our next mission. Constantly reminding myself its not what I want for us, but what our Father would have us do right now.

Thank you for reading.

xoxo