Making the transition. Part 2

Its early. I just made breakfast for Adam and got him off to work. Caden is on the couch drinking his chocolate milk and watching trains. I thought while things were quiet I would finish my ramblings from yesterday.

I look back at how small he was and I was so wrapped up in work I missed all of that.
After three months of living in the RV we finally closed on our house. Looking back, I thank God every single day for that "transition". When I tell you I had to learn how to be a SAHM I really am not lying. You may know how to be a mom. You may know how to be a wife. One does not simply become a stay at home mom/wife overnight after having a career. If you are one of those who had an easy my friend, are my hero!
You mean you want dinner every night? When did cereal not become acceptable?
I don't remember my house getting dirty so fast! Wait...I wasn't home to make it messy.
Didn't I just emptied this dishwasher this morning? How in the world can it be full again?
What do you mean we only have $10 in our checking account? We just got paid yesterday!
Is that poop on the floor or a chocolate raisin? No its poop.
Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. I told you not to touch that.
No you can't eat the dog food. Fine. Eat the dog food.

Rosie when she was just a baby. This is Caden's best friend. Although she is now twice his size. They love each other.
It didn't really sink in that I wasn't going back to work until we moved and I would get Adam off to work. One day it occurred to me that I wasn't ever going to be leaving my house again as a "working" mom. I hit that wall again. This time I didn't have to go to the dr. I still had that full bottle of medicine in the cabinet. Problem solved. So I dug it out. Held it in my hand. Just take one. You need it. Its temporary. You'll be fine. I closed the lid and put it back. Stood there at the counter and cried. Who in the world had I become?? I had always put so much of my self worth into work. Rated my day and myself by how much we got accomplished off the "Notes". These days the notes never go away. I am doing literally the same thing watched to movie ground hog day? I am living it.
I don't consider myself to be unstable. Yes I cry. A lot. Its not my fault. That little boy sitting on the couch changed me. If you are reading this you understand. Finding "You" as a SAHM is extremely important. I can't emphasis this enough. Who are you? Yes you are a mom. You maybe a wife. You may also be the Primary President at church. Those are roles you play. Who are you? Are you that mom/wife that makes your home a safe haven? A place your family knows if every single thing has gone wrong that day they can come home and feel safe. Are you that mom/wife who worries about how clean the house is and neglects those precious memories of being silly on the floor? Are you that mom who can't let yesterday go and your family members end up having to tip toe around you?

In a fleeting moment in time. So thankful we have pictures.
It has taken me over a year to decide who I really am. After putting so much self worth into my job. I didn't know who I was. It has been an emotional evolution for me. Those questions up there I asked you...were me. I had gotten so wrapped up in this picture perfect life as a stay at home wife and mother I had no concept of what it looked like in real life. Wanna know what it looks like now?
1. Teeth need to be brushed. --mine are optional. (Just kidding)
2. Tummies need to be full. --mine a little to much
3. Fun is mandatory

Right now at this stage of life that is all that is required. Yes there is child training in there. Yes we have tantrums and Caden has them too. If you come over unannounced I may or may not answer the door.

Most of my house cleaning happens either at nap time...or not at all. I really try and have the house picked up when Adam gets home not because I want him to think I have cleaned all day, but because after dinner...I DONT WANT TO CLEAN UP! Does it happen all the time. No it sure doesn't.
Seriously people. (As I am writing this Caden is peeing off the porch. I love potty training.) Those clothes can wait. The dust can wait. The vacuuming can wait. That schedule that you think HAS to stay put...needs to be flexible. If you don't get everything you want to get done today there is always tomorrow. There is nothing important enough to hurt a little ones feelings over. Ten years from now are they going to remember you having a freak out moment over...who knows what? Or are they going to remember the way you made them feel important and that they mattered?

 I know that this should go without saying, but those tiny children are real people. They have feelings. They matter. I think I realized this one day when Caden started shaking when I got upset. I was scaring him. (I had always heard I was a scary person when I got mad. I saw it in his eyes that day) My heart shattered into a million pieces. Whatever I got mad at was not important enough that my son needs to be shaking and afraid of me. I was ashamed. Then a few days later his behavior mimicked mine. I did not want to become THAT mom for sure.

What mornings look like at our house. Laying on his mat I made for him. He loves that thing.

Don't get me wrong. Caden does get disciplined. He does have consequences. I expect more out of him because I know he can do it and communicate my expectations. He doesn't always get it right, but neither do I. Its ok. Practice makes progress.

I have learned that you, as the home maker, have the ULTIMATE control of the environment at home. I don't care what anyone else says. I don't care what anyone else does. I don't care what your lifestyle is and frankly I don't care how much money you are worth. Your children and your home are and will become what you mold them into. You will make mistakes. (I know I still make them and know I will always make them) Apologize. Adjust. Move on. Change is good.

Be the best you. Not just for you but for your family.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

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1 comment

  1. So awesome you have found happiness, fulfillment and are able to stay home with your little man! He is adorable. Love my pelleys.