Making the transition. Part 2

Its early. I just made breakfast for Adam and got him off to work. Caden is on the couch drinking his chocolate milk and watching trains. I thought while things were quiet I would finish my ramblings from yesterday.

I look back at how small he was and I was so wrapped up in work I missed all of that.

After three months of living in the RV we finally closed on our house. Looking back, I thank God every single day for that "transition". When I tell you I had to learn how to be a SAHM I really am not lying. You may know how to be a mom. You may know how to be a wife. One does not simply become a stay at home mom/wife overnight after having a career. If you are one of those who had an easy transition...you my friend, are my hero!

You mean you want dinner every night? When did cereal not become acceptable?

I don't remember my house getting dirty so fast! Wait...I wasn't home to make it messy.

Didn't I just emptied this dishwasher this morning? How in the world can it be full again?

What do you mean we only have $10 in our checking account? We just got paid yesterday!
Is that poop on the floor or a chocolate raisin? No its poop.
Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. I told you not to touch that.
No you can't eat the dog food. Fine. Eat the dog food.

Rosie when she was just a baby. This is Caden's best friend. Although she is now twice his size. They love each other.

It didn't really sink in that I wasn't going back to work until we moved and I would get Adam off to work. One day it occurred to me that I wasn't ever going to be leaving my house again as a "working" mom. I hit that wall again. This time I didn't have to go to the dr. I still had that full bottle of medicine in the cabinet. Problem solved. So I dug it out. Held it in my hand. Just take one. You need it. Its temporary. You'll be fine. I closed the lid and put it back. Stood there at the counter and cried. Who in the world had I become?? I had always put so much of my self worth into work. Rated my day and myself by how much we got accomplished off the "Notes". These days the notes never go away. I am doing literally the same thing every.single.day...Ever watched to movie ground hog day? I am living it.

I don't consider myself to be unstable. Yes I cry. A lot. Its not my fault. That little boy sitting on the couch changed me. If you are reading this you understand. Finding "You" as a SAHM is extremely important. I can't emphasis this enough. Who are you? Yes you are a mom. You maybe a wife. You may also be the Primary President at church. Those are roles you play. Who are you? Are you that mom/wife that makes your home a safe haven? A place your family knows if every single thing has gone wrong that day they can come home and feel safe. Are you that mom/wife who worries about how clean the house is and neglects those precious memories of being silly on the floor? Are you that mom who can't let yesterday go and your family members end up having to tip toe around you?

In a fleeting moment in time. So thankful we have pictures.

It has taken me over a year to decide who I really am. After putting so much self worth into my job. I didn't know who I was. It has been an emotional evolution for me. Those questions up there I asked you...were me. I had gotten so wrapped up in this picture perfect life as a stay at home wife and mother I had no concept of what it looked like in real life. Wanna know what it looks like now?

1. Teeth need to be brushed. --mine are optional. (Just kidding)

2. Tummies need to be full. --mine a little to much

3. Fun is mandatory

Right now at this stage of life that is all that is required. Yes there is child training in there. Yes we have tantrums and Caden has them too. If you come over unannounced I may or may not answer the door.

Most of my house cleaning happens either at nap time...or not at all. I really try and have the house picked up when Adam gets home not because I want him to think I have cleaned all day, but because after dinner...I DONT WANT TO CLEAN UP! Does it happen all the time. No it sure doesn't.

Seriously people. (As I am writing this Caden is peeing off the porch. I love potty training.) Those clothes can wait. The dust can wait. The vacuuming can wait. That schedule that you think HAS to stay put...needs to be flexible. If you don't get everything you want to get done today there is always tomorrow. There is nothing important enough to hurt a little ones feelings over. Ten years from now are they going to remember you having a freak out moment over...who knows what? Or are they going to remember the way you made them feel important and that they mattered?

 I know that this should go without saying, but those tiny children are real people. They have feelings. They matter. I think I realized this one day when Caden started shaking when I got upset. I was scaring him. (I had always heard I was a scary person when I got mad. I saw it in his eyes that day) My heart shattered into a million pieces. Whatever I got mad at was not important enough that my son needs to be shaking and afraid of me. I was ashamed. Then a few days later his behavior mimicked mine. I did not want to become THAT mom for sure.

What mornings look like at our house. Laying on his mat I made for him. He loves that thing.


Don't get me wrong. Caden does get disciplined. He does have consequences. I expect more out of him because I know he can do it and communicate my expectations. He doesn't always get it right, but neither do I. Its ok. Practice makes progress.

I have learned that you, as the home maker, have the ULTIMATE control of the environment at home. I don't care what anyone else says. I don't care what anyone else does. I don't care what your lifestyle is and frankly I don't care how much money you are worth. Your children and your home are and will become what you mold them into. You will make mistakes. (I know I still make them and know I will always make them) Apologize. Adjust. Move on. Change is good.

Be the best you. Not just for you but for your family.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

xoxo 

Making the transistion. Part 1

I know I have already blogged this week, but this has been on my heart and I wanted to share it. What a better audience to share it with than with you. --You're Welcome--

With us celebrating Mother's Day this month I wanted to blog about something that has taken me a lifetime to achieve. Being a mom. What I thought was going to be an easy thing to do has been the most difficult thing I have ever done.  I think everything about it has been difficult.

Getting pregnant.

Almost dying in the hospital after delivery.

The recovery.

 After 13 weeks of a long recovery and getting to know my son I had to go back to work. I still remember dropping him off at his sitters house and crying all the way to work. Feeling like a complete failure for not being able to stay at home with him. I thought I HAD to go back to work to pay for our bills. I prayed so hard to find someone that would love him as much as I did and although I HAD really found someone, and she did an AMAZING job, no amount of love someone else gives your child is the same as the Mother's love. Period. I know our Father in Heaven put her in our life because he knew we needed each other. After about 3 weeks I started to enjoy that time away. I felt like a "Super Hero" (I use that word because that is what we call my husband now) at work. Getting things done, accomplishing things outside of the home. I thought I was someone important and could make a difference. Although I WANTED to be at home with my son, it seemed easier to go to work.

That smile still makes my heart melt.

We went like this for 18 months. After several months of wrestling with myself about what I REALLY wanted for my future I went in prayer. Funny how things work out for the best when you stop doing things on your own and allow God to work.

Not getting a paycheck of my own was scary. We didn't need it any more. We had sold our house and we didn't have a house payment that NEEDED me to work. Plus I needed to finish packing and moving our house. That became my job. After that was over and we were comfortably moved into a 1982 36 foot RV my job became making sure my husband and my son were taken care of. How does one go from being a manager of a multimillion dollar retail store, managing any where from 80-500 people to staying home with a toddler? Oh.my.goodness. Eyes Wide Open. I used to joke with my mother-in-law that I went from my words and requests meaning something to being with someone who had no idea what I was talking about at all. Ever. Going from HAVING to be moving all day long to having to slow down and enjoying life. I did NOT adjust well.

Those eyes never get old to look at.

Its very difficult to put into words (with my very limited vocabulary) the culture and emotional shock I went through. I am very routine, to the letter, rules for everything, kind of person. I ran my business  that way. I ran our life that way and I thought for sure, when I stayed home, life was going to be the same way. Get up. Get dressed. Have an agenda. Stick to the agenda. Be the agenda...don't stray from the agenda...then check off those little notes like I did at work. I stress myself out just thinking about it now. I know most of you SAHM are like yeah...whatever.. what agenda!?

I think after being home for about two months I became depressed. What?! You!? Yes. Me. I had had those feelings before, but I was always able to dive into work and forget about them. Not this time. I went and saw the Dr. I needed to hear that I was sick with a cold or my iron was low. Something other than telling me I was depressed. He sat down and looked me in the eye and said.

"Do you think you might be depressed?"

(I think I may have started crying before he even asked me.)

 "I have a feeling all of these tests are going to come back normal. You've just had a lot of big changes happen its probably just temporary. It will be ok."

--Duh. I am to stubborn to play pity party for long. He scribbled me out a script and off I went.

I always missed things because I had to always work. He loves meeting new friends.

I filled that script. Took it home. Put it on the counter and starred at it. Almost as a reminder to get over it. Constantly reminding myself to stop being such a baby. To be grateful for the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. I was, after all, getting to see my son grow up before my eyes. Get to take naps when I wanted to. Go and do what I wanted to...stick to the agenda. Right??

 Let me tell you something. Being a stay-at-home mom is the single most difficult job I have EVER done. Period. This beats ANYTHING I ever did for Walmart. It's the most unappreciated, unrecognized job there is out there. When I tell people I am a stay at home mom they ROLL THEIR EYES AT ME! Then start talking to me in short, small phrases. I am serious. Like my credentials as a stay-at-home mom are worth nothing. It doesn't matter what I was BEFORE I was a mom. A mom, in this society, doesn't mean a HILL a beans. Not that it matters what other people think about me, but I almost blame societies image of women for choosing to stay at home as not as important as working.

Who says I don't work??

Do we make as much money as we did before?

Not even close.

Do we have as much "stuff" as we used to?

Nope.

Has it been easy?

Yes. When he is asleep.

I can tell you that even though we don't make as much. I am more tired than I have ever been, get dressed less, and put on make up less and less these days, My marriage has never been better. My son is happier. Our lives are finally the way it should be.

This is the single most important job there is.

These are moments worth sticking around for.



sniffle, sniffle, sneeze. Cough....repeat!

I have seen, more like read, hundreds of people on Facebook suffer this year with seasonal allergies. 'Tis the season right?  I know all about them. I too suffer TERRIBLY from allergies. I have been clinically diagnosed with being allergic to trees and grass. (I live in Alabama...not the best place for me to live) My list of prescriptions from Dr's every single, year would grow...and grow....and grow. Every year it was different ones because I would build up an immunity. THEN half way through the year I would get a sinus infection. Never understood why I stayed so sick...then came the headaches...then came the migraines...Terrible cycle.

Until I met my "Crunchy" friend. Thanks Jaclyn. xoxo

To make a long story short I have not had to go to the Dr this year for allergy medicine. Nope not once. I have not had 1 single migraine. (knock on wood) Nor have I had a sinus infection. I think this is the first year I have been able to breath out of BOTH nostrils this time of year...no joke. What am I doing you ask? Its pretty simple are you ready? Got your paper out?? Write this down and stick it in your purse and run to the grocery store...

This is from Dollar General I think it was $3. I have the one from Walmart, but I like this one better.

Local honey. This local  RAW honey is grown in my backyard...can't get any more local than that. That local and RAW part is really important.

Last but NOT least...My elderberry syrup.

Packed with allergy CRUSHING ingredients!

The problem I had with allergy medicines was it wasn't helping me It was making things worse. I am sure you notice that too. After that allergy medicine wears off you are good for nothing. Am I right?? Then you are either miserable until bed time or you are scrambling to find your next hit. STOP THE MADDNESS!!! I think last night I had an "episode" and it was probably because I had forgotten to take it, problem solved. I took the Echinacea and a spoonful of honey and within 20 minutes I was back on track. No terrible side effects. Seriously folks!

 My allergies are A.W.E.F.U.L. I was willing to try anything. Aside from drinking my own urine. (I have read that too) I went with all three and they have worked. For fear of it being a combination I haven't let off any of them. I will just continue with what works. Try it. Seriously what do you have to loose!

 Ever walk outside and you can physically FEEL the pollen attack you? Feel it flying up your noes laughing all the way? This is the first year I say "Bring it on"...you aren't bringing me down this year!

BAM!

My son takes this, my husband takes this. It works. All of this is good for more than just allergies. Look it up.

Good luck. Let me know how it works for ya!

xoxo